Holynub Report: E3 2010 - Wish we were there

WOOOH!!!  E3!! Yeah!  The definitive expo for vidya gaems.  Where games are made...  For you to look at and stuff.  There's some bad ass things being announced, as always.  Someday... Someday I will be in there.  But til then, I'll just have to rely on the big game sites.  Lets take a look at some of what grabbed Holy's interest.

Microsoft XBOX360 News

Project Natal renamed to Kinect

Now with a less-dumb name

Well this was interesting.  I guess Kinect sounds better than NATAL.  And I guess the whole Kinetic Movement and Connected.  Is there any difference in it's capabilities?  Nope.  Sooo.... It was just a marketing and branding thing?  Yeah.  *shrug* works for me.  Estimates on Kinect's pricing?  Gamestop lists it as $150.  I do understand the cost of technology.  But...  I don't know about this.  Again, like all good technologies, it will be up to the game developers to make this product shine.  There's already a ton of support for the Kinect, and there's a pretty good LOOKING line up.  Remember, good LOOKING and BEING good are two different things.  If great solid games are released using the Kinect then it's a worthwhile investment.  If not...  Bleh.

New "Slim" model XBOX360

Slimmer?

Boy.  Way to follow the Sony system train.  Unbeknown to most people, the 360 has actually had quite a few version changes.  It's just not as public as Sony's.  But lets not talk about Sony here.  Lets see.  What's so kewl about this system.  It's got a special port for the Kinect.  I guess... that's... Cool.  But the majority of the population is just going to have to give up a USB port and a plug on the power strip to use the Kinect on "Old" 360's.  Huh....  Is that a big deal?  What the hell do you use your USB on your 360 for(Aside form charging your controller)?  Built in Wi-fi. Well that's something that should've been  in there a while ago.  Come on now, even the Wii had Wi-fi built in before the 360.  I'm not big on Wi-fi for gaming.  That's just me.  I'll run a cord clear across my goddamn house if I have too.

Closeup of the new 360 (Video from 1up.com)

Hmm.  From the video, I can't tell exactly how much slimmer it is than the current 360's.  Although the quieter sound is definitely a plus, I do have one gripe.  That new HDD format is completely different from the current gen systems.  So, is there something in place to transfer over all old game saves and general crap that's stored on our HDD's?  Or are we going to have to start to move everything over to a USB Flash drive and copy things over?  What if our current system Red Rings on us?  How are we supposed to transfer our bad ass Halo 3 replays!?  ZOMG!  But naww.  I could give a crap about Halo 3 replays.  I do give a crap about all my progress in Ace Combat 6 though.  I worked hard in that game.  Is there a service or something that Microsoft will most likely SELL to have us transfer our content from old HDDs to new ones?  That is something I will be looking for.(Post edit: HDD Question Answered here)

 New 360 vs. Old differences displayed in table form

Nintendo

Nintendo 3DS

So... I guess we can't really see the 3D functionality through a picture huh?

The DS's successor.  I will admit, when it comes to Hand Held gaming, Nintendo has always been pretty good.  I had my doubts about the DS, but they did alright.  So far the 3DS looks... a hell of a lot like a DS.  Top screen bigger and "3D Capable."  And they threw in an analogue stick.  Huh.  Well...  There seems to be a lot of support for it.  Lots of things announced.  How well those announced games perform will be a big factor in the success of the system.  The DS had some games that just did it right.  That and Pokemon supports 85% of their DS sales...

Sony

Playstation Move

The new Playstation wi-... Move Controller.

Just like Microsoft, Sony's been hyping up the Playstation Move.  What's with these companies and movement capturing hardware?  Well, like EVERYTHING IN THIS GODDAMN ARTICLE, lets see how it goes.  I do like how some of the functions of the move work.  Although... It strangely really does remind me of the Nintendo Wii...  I'm just saying!  Yes, I get it and I know it's different technologies.  But really?  The two handed controllers.  Lets take a look at the price tag.  Move Controller is $50.  Navigation controller is $30.  That's $80 for a set of those.  Wait, don't you also have to buy the Playstation Eye?  That's like. $60?  Something like that.  They also have the Playstation Eye bundled with this Sports Champion game for $100...  Soooo the "Move System" and a game run you about $180.  $30 more than the Kinetic.  But it has a game.  What's this...  Another PS3 bundle.  This one includes the "Move System" as well as the game for $400.  I guess that's not too bad if you don't already own a PS3.  Saves you about $80.  But do you need it?  Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  We'll find out later.

Playstation 3 3D Enabled Games

Ok, this was the best picture I could find that would be relevant to this topic.

Here's another trend going around.  Alright.  I'm going to admit.  I'm a 3D Hater Gamer.  3D?  Yeah I heard of it.  Back in the 1950's.  Now it's making this big ass come back.  There's already a list that's starting that features 3D Capable games.  So you can sit there at home with your big goddamn TV and wear stupid ass glasses to make it look like crap's popping out at you.  I am just not impressed with 3D.  Look, things have slight depth to them.  Now, if that 3D is implemented in a fashion that ENHANCES gameplay rather than just eye candy.  I could see it being beneficial in FPS games to give you a better sense of depth.  But the practical gaming applications of it feel shallow.  Not to mention it adds another layer of complexity to game creation and designers.  Yes, not all designers will be wanting to use the 3D functions of the PS3.  But if your publisher is breathing down your neck for the next greatest 3D game.  What are you going to do?  Try to convince him that it's only a trend?  Try to get big business executives to understand that not all technologies need to be implemented to produce a solid game?  Try to get them to not ride every hype wave that the industry cranks out?  Yeah fucking right.  What's next? Holographic TV and games?  Bah Humbug.(Side note: Holographic TV/games would be mega awesome.)

Playstation Network's Premium Service: Playstation Plus

Anyone else slightly vomit when they saw this poster?

Sooooo.... It's like XBox Live Gold...  But, you only get extra stuff.  But all the basic stuff.... Is still there....  I know, that's not a good explanation.  But lets take a good look at it.  It's about $9 a month.  That's reasonable.  But what does that $9 get you?  Almost all of the basic stuff from the PSN is what most people need.  Access to the PSN Store, online gameplay, game updates.  Same things XBL Gold offers and it's FREE.  So lets dig a little deeper to figure this out.

Early access to game DEMOs.  Oook...  Because I totally want to play the demo of a game before anyone else....  Oh wait, I just want to play the actual damn game.

Access to certain games for free on the PSN as well as discounts on the PSN Store.  This could be interesting.  But of course it's going to be all the crap-tastic Sony games or lame PS1 games that nobody wants to D/L.  It's going to be interesting to see what kind of discounts they're going to offer.  But alas, details of this kind of stuff are really limited right now.

Invites to select game beta tests.  I'm 50/50 on this one.  It lets you get a feel of how you feel the game will do when it is released.  It also offers a sense of exclusivity(I'm better than you because I'm paying for this).  While it is cool to experience a game and it's content before others, we must realize it's a beta TEST.  Meaning most of the shit is either broken/unbalanced/NOT YET IMPLEMENTED.  I used to dabble a lot in beta testing, but recently I have put that all behind me.  Too much happens over the course of development for me to justify a game only through it's beta.  I beta'd World of Warcraft and HATED it.  Look at me now.  Yeah...

OnLive

Onlive Prices Announced & Service Starts

Times I've misspelled OnLive as Online?  Too many.

OnLive made their price point debut at E3 2010.  Lets see here.  Looks like the first yearly subscription fee is waived for their debut launch.  They haven't released what the yearly subscription costs are, but they have put out their game pricing.  Looks like most current gen-games are going for about $50-60.  This lets you play the game as much as you want until you cancel your subscription.  They also have some rentals that you can purchase.  It lets you play the game for a couple days at about $5-9.  That's not too bad.  Check out the full game list at Eurogamer.  By my accounts, their service should be up and running already.  Haven't heard much around the net about it though.  I don't think I'll be trying it out anytime soon.

If you've been floating around the gaming scene for a bit, you may have heard of OnLive.  For those of you who couldn't give a rats ass, here's a breakdown.  OnLive is a new platform for people to play games without the need for bulky Hardware or game discs.  Everything is On-demand gaming.  Want to play the latest shitty Halo iteration?  Bam, just order it and begin playing immediately.  Amazing rite?  BUT HOLY, HOW DOES I PLAY GAEM WIT NO CONSOLE!?  I'm getting to it retard, just sit down and chew your dip.  Basically, Onlive uses cloud computing technology to do all the "Technical stuff" on their massively large bonerrific servers and just streams the video back to you.  This allows even low end computers to be able to play the latest games without upgrades, IN THEORY. 

Like this but with more bullshit in step 2

The only problem is, this entire system of streaming gaming video to your TV relies heavily on the current broadband infrastructure.  Which by most accounts is a gigantic cluster fuck.  The more complex games with better resolutions require more bandwidth for you to get the screens.  From some press releases, Wii and previous-gen games require about 1.5MBPS average to play while current-gen requires 4-5MBPS.  Man...  I wish I had that kind of bandwidth here in the middle of the pacific.  There is also a slight inherent lag with the system, so you're going to have to get used to that.  Oh hay, your ISP is stupid and frequently disconnects you for service?  Oh well, too bad.  What's that?  You're with Comcast?  Well don't go over that 40 Gig limit.  Until all of that gets fixed.  I'll stick to buying overpriced consoles that let me play my goddamn games.

Games of Noteworthynesseseses

Metal Gear Rising

Yayyy!  Watermelon.

Well, looks like Raiden's back.  I like how Hideo Kojima totally redid Raiden since MGS2.  Everyone was hating on him.  Derrr, he's a whiny pretty boy.  Then he came back as a bad ass Ninja in MGS4.  Bravo.  Well, looks like Hideo's trying to up Raiden's bad ass factor again.  I guess Hideo thought there wasn't enough dismemberment in MGS4.  So lets have a game where you cut people in fucking half all the time!  Half!?  Lets cut them on any bias we want!  YAYYY!!!!!  And I can hear those advocates against violent video games loading their guns.  From the first gameplay trailers, it's looking to be VERY action oriented.  Smurf sneaking, just cut the bitches! From what I've been reading, this game might need to get toned down a hell of a lot to be released in Japan.  Apparently the Japanese don't look highly on dismemberment.  Uhhh huh...  So sexual deviance(You know what I'm talking about.  Think Japan.) is alright.  But cutting people in half is frowned upon.  *shrug*

Castlevania Something

Nope.  Not caring.

Yeah Some Castlevania game was announced.  Let me get my hard hat on here.  Not going to lie.  Never been a big fan of Castlevania.  Mainly because I never got a good look at the series till very late, not back during it's hay-day on the NES.  So the series never held any sentimental value.  And the recent games have been basically crap.  Soooo... I'm not going to waste my breath on a new one.


Mystery something something

Apparently, Hideo's been working on some game.  Some game, that is SO CONTROVERSIAL that it might make him leave the industry.  Wooooo weeee woooohhh.  Alright, lets be real.  The gaming industry has seen an ass load of games sweep through it.  It's hit on just about every goddamn topic under the sun, and also some that the sun should never shine on.  I find it ridiculous that there could be something that's so controversial that it could end his game designer career(technically it ended after Metal Gear Solid. BA-ZING!).  But hey, I'll play along with this publicity stunt.  Wooh the suspense.  What game am I going to see that makes me possibly raise my eye brow a little bit.  There's some clues on their website.  Stay tuned for updates on this.(Post E3 edit: Yeah he aint showing it till the Tokyo Game Show.)

Warhammer 40K MMO

I don't know what I'm watching. But I like it.

Woooh..  Vigil games and THQ have been putting this together for some time.  Now THIS is the Warhammer that I've been looking for.  I've always been a sucker for more futuristic type things.  I am not excruciatingly familiar with the Warhammer universe.  It's always been amusement at a passing glance.   The tabletop games and RTSs, look really cool.  But I know close to nothing of the lore and who is what.  There is close to no gameplay in the trailer.  No mention on how the class system will work and the details.  But hey, there's a big goddamn robot.  That's more than enough for me! 

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic MMO

Ahh more announcements for the Star Wars MMO.  I'll be first to say that I don't like Star Wars.  But it's a personal reason.  Nothing against the series and it's lore.  I think it's cool.  It's just that SOME PEOPLE are real douche bags about it.  I give no fault to Star Wars as a series.  But with Bioware behind the wheel of this MMO.  I'm liking it.

Portal 2

Does it has cake?

Besides announcing Portal 2, the biggest news seems to be the release of Portal 2 on the PS3.  Since the release of the Orange Box, Valve has taken jabs at the poor PS3.  It's actually kinda fun to watch.  And now, out of left field, BAM!  Portal 2 on PS3.  Props to Sony for convincing Valve.  My favorite quote would be from Gabe Newell.

"I'd like to thank Sony for their gracious hospitality, and for not repeatedly punching me in the face" - Gabe Newell (Valve Co-Founder)

Of course Portal 2 will also be released for the XB360 and the PC as well.  But the PS3 release is significant.  So deal with it.

GoldenEye Remake

Ahhh nostalgic games.  They kinda get ya RIGHT HERE.  Good times.  Good times.  Goldeneye 64 was one of the best multiplayer games of our time.  Boy, never thought I'd ever say that.  But it mixed a lot of fun elements into the game, especially multiplayer.  I remember those finals weeks back in middle/high school.  After all exams were done, my "krew" would hang out at my place and play Goldeneye for hours.  Leading to many fun phrases like "What's that thing on the wall?"  Or "What color's the golden gun?"  Toss in a ton of swearing and you got yourself a game that lasts a lifetime.

Bond theme song in your head now.

Well, Activision is cashing in on this nostalgia.  They're remaking the N64 classic for the Wii.  Updating the story as well as the Bond.  Many first hand accounts are praising it for it's homage to the original N64 game.  But will they be able to get the correct mix to appease gamers of today?  Lets be real, video games have come a long way since the days of the Nintendo 64.  Tastes change, styles change, and the gamers also change.  But I hope they make it good.  Because anything less, would shame the greatness that Goldeneye 64 was.

New Twisted Metal

Yup.... There's another one... What?  It's news.  Just...  Wooh.  First Twisted Metal on a console since Twisted Metal: Black.  Yeah.... Not that excited.


Gran Turismo 5 Dated for November 2, 2010

Pfffttttt

HAAAAAAAAAAAA.  HAHAHHAHHAHAAA.  I'm sorry, I need to laugh at them more.  HAAAAAAAHAHAHHA.  Seriously.  Polyphony Digital.  I'm sorry.  In my younger years, I loved the Gran Turismo Series.  But, that was then.  This is now.  They have fallen far from their graceful years when GT1/2/3 were king in racing games.  I am not going to take this "FINAL RELEASE DATE ZOMG" seriously.  Polyphony Digital's recent track record is terrible.  They take way too long to produce a game in the name of quality.  Someone there needs to draw the fucking line on how things need to be released.  By the time they release their games, nobody cares.

How I feel about Gran Turismo

Seriously, they take WAY too fucking long to make a game.  And they've also jerked us around a bunch of times too.  Remember GT4?  First, Ohh it'll require the PS2 Hard Drive to work.  Then they dumped it, leaving early adopters of the PS2 Hard Drive to shake their fists in rage over the crappy Final Fantasy XI that came with the drive.  Then there was the Gran Turismo for the PSP.  Hell, that was supposed to be a launch title for the PSP.  Then they basically shit-canned it for 5 years.  Then they brought it back.  They released it and nobody cared.  Hurray!  Then there was Gran Turismo HD.  That was an early release for the PS3.  It looked nice.  Then you heard about it's kakamimi way of nickel and diming you to death.  Yeah the game's free.  With two shitty cars and a single track.  What?  You want more?  Well you gotta pay for it like iTunes.  Hurrah for micro-transactions!  Then they finally wised up and realized that it was a stupid ass idea.  Dump that game, and finally work on GT5.  Which they have been... For the last 4 years...  Sure we got a nice demo in the form of GT5 Concept.  Unlike most demos, they charged you $40 for it.  THANKS POLYPHONY!  So now we have GT5.  And just for good measure, they're throwing together a collectors edition for $100.  Ugh... At least I don't have any hopes to keep up.

Another Zelda Game

Same shit, different orifice

UUUUUGGGGHHHHHH...  Really?  Can't we ever have a goddamn E3 without some Zelda game creeping up?  What's it this time.  Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.  Wait wait.  Let me take a guess.  There's a princess.  And she's either kidnapped/trapped/NEEDS HELP.  And you're Link...  You do not speak.  And you have a pointy hat.  And you will probably get a sword.  A shield.  A boomerang.  A set of bow and arrow.  Bombs.  Most likely a grappling hook.  How am I doing so far?  Yes, I am not too fond of Zelda games.  Go on.  Haters gonna hate.  But I'm REAL tired of rescuing that bitch.  I like how they always try to reboot it and say that the previous rescues never happened or some shit like that.  At least Mario keeps it real and is like, YEAH SHE GOT KIDNAPPED AGAIN.  The legend of Zelda series just kinda tries to hide it.  Ugh.  I've said my peace about this.

Alright. I'm calling the line here.  There is a TON of new games announced.  Going through them all would give me an aneurysm.  Check it out on dem derr gaming sites like Kotaku or 1up.com or joystique or stuff like that.  Till then, I'm gonna go pray somewhere and hope to god none of these suck as much as I think they will.