Hawt n00 g43mz

Yeah... It's my turn. Lets dig around in the ol' grab bag and see what we can dig up. There's a lot of stuffs comin out that I'm looking forward to. I'll sans the obligatory World of Warcraft expansion. Cuz I think deep down, everyone knows they want it.

Ahhh the Star Ocean franchise. How I do enjoy it. You know, come to think of it. I haven't really had a chance to play the first two games. I've only played the third installment on the PS2. It was fun. Combat system was interesting, it had a nice convoluted story line, retardedly large crafting system. Now lets see what it's successor has to offer. From initial reports(Which is VERY initial) it's going to be action driven similar to the 3rd installment. 3d action swing sword swoosh swooosh kill stuff get loot move on with life. Yeah, that about sums it up.

Expectations:I gotta admit. I do have high hopes for this game. Why? Cuz it hits my genre dead on. I like fantasy sci-fi. It's got beam swords and futuristic ships and gunz and swoosh swoosh kill stuff get loot move on with life. I like that. Like Phantasy Star Online. Make me feel goooood.

Pitfalls:Usually one of the most problematic things with action oriented RPG games is the general IQ of your party members. Sometimes they're pretty compitent. While in other cases, they're goddamn blubbering idiots that have melee characters casting stupid spells while healers are meleeing. Also, I hope they keep the tech factor high on this one. Some of the other Star Oceans did a lot of "Past meets Present" kind of deals. I mean, it's cool and all. But I love seeing the high tech.

Ahhhhhh. My love. This has got to be one of the BEST RPGS EVER FUCKING MADE BY THE HANDS OF MEN GUIDED BY GOD/BUDDHA/SATAN/NATURE/ALL OF THE PRIOR COMBINED IN ONE. That's how good this goddamn game is. And no. I'm not exaggerating.Expectations:I... Kind of am guessing this game will stick to it's roots. I mean, IT FUCKING BETTER. It's like telling perfect to be more perfect. IT CAN'T. However! It can be built upon. So in all of their additions to the game, I expect them to keep the caliber of story/items/encounters at the same level as the original. If they do that, then I can happily walk around with a 2 foot erection and life will be good.

Pitfalls:
Hmmm... Well, I guess I am worried about playing it on the DS. I hope they don't try to do any stupid ass gimmicky touch screen bullshit. That'll be like taking a perfectly good cheeseburger. And wiping your ass with it. It's like, WHY!? YOU COULD'VE EATEN THAT CHEESEBURGER!!!! WHYYYYYYYY!!!!?!??!?!?!!11111

All right. I'll admit. This game just hits my weak spot. There probably is no merit in playing this game for anything "Unique" or "Original" in the gameplay/story. BUT GODDAMNIT, THERE'S GUNDAMS IN THIS FUCKING GAME. AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.



Expectations:
GUNDAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIG FUCKING ROBOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Pitfalls:I already know all the crappy things about this series. I guess, the only way they could make it worse... Would be to remove mobile suits from this game... Then I'd just have to doo doo in a box and mail it to Koei.

This game does peak my interest somewhat. I mean, I like the co-op idea of the game. Survival horror with co-op. And if you die. You become a zombie boss and you get to fuck all your former teammates for letting you die.
Expectations:I demand that this game have good co-op. It's not a polite suggestion. It better be fucking goddamn amazing. That is all. Team oriented, survival. I likez itz.

Pitfalls:
Of course theres always the chance that they might fuck up the co-op. Or maybe the game might have repetitive scenarios. Again, I'm not looking for much from this game, just co-op. Do it wrong, and go fuck yourself valve.

Ahh, Kingdom Hearts. So brilliantly done. I was quite disappointed when they announced the Chain of Memories game for GBA exclusive back in the day. But Square-Enix, you have redeemed yourself. Granted, this game has already been released in Japan for... God, almost 2 years or so. But no matter. Better late than never I guess.

Expectations:
I've already seen some of the gameplay from trailers and movies from the Japanese release. I'm pretty well aware of what's involved here. Hard to expect something that you've already seen before. I guess I expect them to keep the high level of voice acting they've had in the past two PS2 games.


Pitfalls:Terrible voice acting or even changing the voice actors from the other two games. If it ain't broke, don't fuck with it. I guess it could also be bad if they fucked up the localization and the script for this game. BUUUUT it's the Kingdom Hearts team. I have faith in them.... For now...

Final Fantasy XIII YEAHHHH. And if any of you smart asses say "DERRRR Final Fantasy XIII is on the 360 too DERRRR." I'ma find a way to jump through the goddamn internet and cock punch you. This game was built and developed for the motherfucking PS3. It's like McDonalds suddenly starts selling fucking Whoppers and onion rings. Just because Microsoft gave Square-Enix a handjob under the table at E3, dosn't give grounds for this game to be released on the 360. ANYWAY. Oh Final Fantasy. How we love you. Well, at least I do.

Expectations:
Well. I expect alot. I expect superb graphics. Amazing story line. Superior sound. Decent to good voice acting. Mini games. LOTS OF SHIT TO DO. Yeah... But then again, most people tend to expect that from every Final Fantasy.

Pitfalls:
Hmmm. I guess Final Fantasy can do wrong things sometimes. For example, many didn't like Final Fantasy XII's combat system. Maybe they'll touch up on that. Which does bring up the question, how will the combat gameplay look for the entire game. Sure we've seen some kickass cut scene quality combat, but how does that translate to normal gameplay. When we're out killing random baddies in the world. If it's always cinematic like that, how long will it be till we're like, OH GOD JUST GET IT OVER WITH. And of course, with a game that has such high expectations, any little fault will be grounds for people to flame it. So lets see it Square-Enix. Bring out the big guns for this.

Lets see it
Well, that's a small sample of the games I'm lookin forward to in the future. Will they live up to my "Holy" expectations? Only time will tell. Till then, I will hope and speculate... And play other games.

hot new games

Summer is starting to fizzle, but us here at the holynub report have the what's what on HOT new games to appease your burning desire, put the spring back in your step and the tingle back in your dingle. First up...

Fable 2! I am a huge fan of Lion Head Studios and the original Fable. Lion Head Studio's Peter Molyneaux is hinting that this version is going to really push the moral dilemmas that your hero has to face, making the sacrifice to be a good person be a lot more dire. 

PROS: Fable 2 seems to be very promising, expanding upon all the things that made the original great: Customizable character abilities and appearance (via collectable tattoo and haircut cards), Easy to Learn and Immersive Action RPG battle system and the ability to choose either the path of good or evil. Stack that on top of a quick and easy online multiplayer function, interactive pets and being able to spread your man-seed all over Albion and it looks like we have ourselves a WINNAR!

CONS: Instead of procuring wealth from bashing skulls and running errands for the Heroes Guild, it seems like the only way to get money is through gambling parlor mini games. To me this seems like replacing one type of money grind for another instead of introducing an exciting new feature. Maybe it's just because I am a terrible gambler in real life, but this worries me. However, if you are able to play the mini games with online friends and actually take their money, it might be exciting enough to be worth it.

Rating: 10 out of 12 jittering cardboard sword wielding colored paper ball throwing fanboys

I am not familiar with the earlier renditions of Fallout, but it seems the lads at Bethesda Softworks have made a game that anyone can bite their radiated mutant teeth into. 

PROS: Revolutionary new Battle System allows players to transition seamlessly from traditional FPS to V.A.T.S or Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting system to play in a more RPG oriented style. The environment looks absolutely stunning and the open storyline allows for decisions that will have a direct affect on the path your game takes. For instance you can detonate and complete destroy an entire area of the game. This game's gritty tongue-in-cheek steam punk vibe makes me squeel with glee. 

CONS: I will probably myself forget what the sun looks like as I shut myself in my apartment playing this game over and over and over again and might find myself emerging into a real life world not unlike the one depicted in the game, but then again I would have prepared myself pretty adequately for the challenges to come.

Rating: 30 out of 30 radioactive cyborgian mutant mercenaries

Okay these two get lumped together in the "swingy open environment" genre of game. They both bring interesting things to the table. Spiderman offers an exciting and dynamic battle systems that really does a great job capturing how you imagined Spiderman would do battle. Also you can transition seamlessly between regular good neighborhood spidey to morally questionable symbiote suit spidey both in battle sequences for nasty combos and after boss fights to choose how to dispose of your downed foe.

Bionic Commando mixes the swingy aspect with a gun toting badass cyborg dude. Although the actual swing combat doesn't seem to be as dynamic as the spidey game, the fact that the hero can jump kick a car does seem interesting. Also there is an online multiplayer feature which looks promising. It's hard to tell at this point if the multiplayer aspect is going to be what carries the game. From gameplay demos and trailers it is hard to really say if they multiplayer will hold up over the long haul and make this game an addictive cult classic. 

Now if I have any money left over from buying a gaming console, a TV and all these games, I was thinking about buying this diamond in the rough. I am personally a huge fan of Greek Mythology. However, most gamers might feel like they are being hit over the head with the theme so perfectly executed by the God of War series. However, the art direction for this game is top notch and promises to be true to it's setting while still adding it's own flair. The battle system is based on the many weapons available to Jason of Argonauts fame. Each weapon correlates to a specific god and also playing style. 

PROS: You get to bash heads and slice through the aortas of many a foe at the hands of the legendary Greek hero Jason. Inventive battle system allows for a variety of play styles and a number of options for different scenarios. The lush environments and amazing detail are sure to immerse any ancient Greek geek. 

CONS: Theme might be a little tired riding on the heels of the smash hit God of War and might not be unique enough to get people's attention. A common pitfall of this type of hack and slash action RPG is that the game can feel repetitive, especially if there is one OP combo move that obliterates everything in sight. Hopefully, the varied battle system can overcome that. 

Rating: 18 out of 25 trojan for her pleasure zombies

I played WAR and I think I like it.

I hope WOW don't mind it.

Well... That's enough Katie Perry for now. But yes. I've dabbled in the realm of non-wow games. AGAIN. There be many reasons for this. Primarily, with the announcement of Wrath of the Lich King expansion this coming november, I have lost the need to play wow. Yes, I could grind more gear. But for what? So it can all become obsolete in two months? Nurf that, I'm gonna do something more constructive with my time.

SO IT BEGINS... AGAIN

Alrighty then. Lets see here. What's this now... After much clicking and d/ling and crap, I PLAY! HmmMmMm. Because I don't want to deal with the big box of stupid which comprise 90% of the alliance on WOW, I'm going to roll the bad guys. DESTRUCTION BIATCHES!

One noticable thing about WAR, they spell out the classes as soon as you pickum. For example, I am rolling this thing called a Zealot. It is a Healer. That's explicitly what it says as soon as you click on the avatar. And that's about it. I mean, it's got some Debuffing and buffing capabilities, but overall it's supposed to be a healer. Meh, I can deal with that. Holynub rides again!

Soooo.. Where the hell am I?

OK. I'll admit. I am seriously fucking lost in this game. I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground. See, this is what happens when you play one MMO for way to fucking long. You're not flexable. Can't adapt and "enhance" (Clicky noises) "enhance" (more clicky noises) "enhance" (clicky clicky). Ok, that's enough super troopers. So... I kind of run around and kill crap randomly. I right click and talk to all these NPCs and stuff. Get quests. Do things. I still don't feel 100% comfortable with my surroundings still. It's probably just the WOW talking still.

Boy it's dark in here...

War goes for the more "Lord of the Rings" style of environments. It's a lot darker, not as cartoony as WOW. Some people like that. Personally, I don't. As far as aesthetics go for MMOs. The less realistic, the better. I really do like WOW's contrast in areas. One area is significantly different than others. I can't say that I've explored all areas of WAR, but from what i've seen. Not too impressed.

Waaaaagggghhh!!

Alright. I suck at PVP. But goddamnit I like it. And this game. Whew... They r do some things right here. You can GRIND UP LEVELS doing pvp. FROM LEVEL 1! As soon as you make your character, you can queue yourself for "scenario" pvp. That's basically battlegrounds from wow. They have different scenarios for different levels. Not sure how it works for different levels. There will be more on this in the future once I figure out everything. Nextly, Grinding in PVP as a healer is NOT THAT BAD/GOOD. You can sit back and heal people, and the person you're healing basically beats on people. This gives both of you EXP. Now, if you're healing lots of people at the same time while they wail on people. YOU GET EXP FOR ALL OF IT! HOWEVER!!!! If your team is sucking hard and not doing any damage and just taking it up the butt. Yeah.. You get nothing. But it is kind've fun grinding out almost a full level just doing BG's.

Also, there are PVP rankings from 1 to.. I think 40. Basically it's a separate exp system. As you PVP more, you get what's known as "Renown." Renown is kind of like your PVP level. By increasing it, it allows you access to better pvp gear and also special talents. It's complicated. I'm not even that far along, so we'll just call it a black box of pvp stuff.

So here we go

Well, that's Holy's first heal into the new, maybe even exciting world of... Warhammer. Hmmm. Still gotta get over WOW. At least until the expansion.